Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
"The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! "The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Comprehending Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but
to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had
solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1. Knowing where to put it
Comprehending Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Six
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet." --
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."