For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality,
feminism and a host of other bobbins.
No more! The man fights back!!
Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of 2001.
Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....
If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse
down a gym.
Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to
comment on it.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can
find the perfect present... again.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
Saturday = Football. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport.
Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.
Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.
Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank
range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be
any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty,
would look good with that particular dress?
'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we
were going out.
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument.
It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate
Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you
sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from
The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.
If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways
makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial
When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and
definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to finish
it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I
couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.
A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and
cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in
acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
Do not question our sense of direction.
If you can learn the above, then man and woman con co-exist on a level based
on love and mutual respect.
The ball's in your court.